Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Old Love

In spite of living within fifty miles of each other, my dear friend and I often allow several years to slip by between seeing each other. Nevertheless, we both need to carve out time now and again to catch up, reminisce, and whine about how fast life screams by and weren’t we young and full of promise with overflowing bucket lists only last week?

We usually meet half way at a favorite restaurant and from the second we are seated we launch, hardly catching our breath, babbling about our current activities, our families, then switch to grumbling, commiserating about all the things we can’t do anymore. Not to brag, but between us that is quite a lot. 


But this most recent visit she brought a new topic to share. A real life fairytale. 

After forty-five years of having lost one another to the capricious whims of life–a distant move to a job, a war, other spouses–she and her long lost college flame became reacquainted through a stray reach out message via Facebook. All it took was a single meeting and four and a half decades instantly dissolved into a cache of experience that served to add even more to share with each other in follow-up marathon conversations. 

I’ve never seen her more radiant and I could not be more thrilled for her. There is no way to explain what an incredible burst of impossible possibilities this rekindling of old love has infused into two lives. Turns out God is not just the ultimate designer, He is also an unparalleled love story author as well. With God all things are indeed possible.

I cannot help but point out that the reason only God could have seen this coming is because the value of old love, in all its variations, is highly underestimated in the NEW NEW NEW, everything must be NEW era.

Firstly, old love is something that cannot be explained to the young. Generally speaking it creeps them out to even mention it. Youthful passions and raging hormones must assume that love is exclusively for the young and this misconception is as ancient as love itself. But love isn’t what it used to be. There is an old saying that youth is wasted on the young but I could add that genuine love is almost always overlooked by the young while they are chasing after a glittery imitation that, once caught, is rarely able to survive the rigors of real life.

Speaking from personal experience, old love is better than the new version simply  because it has had plenty of opportunity to grow up. It has earned wisdom from having endured nicks and wear and tear. It’s polished from abrasion. It’s been around the block; it’s been beat up and yet survived. Having survived is nothing if not a great attitude adjuster. Once you have been spiked to the ground like a volleyball in a winner-take-all game a few times, you tend to reevaluate what really matters. 

Dating and mating, in this selfie-absorbed world is like playing the lottery. You might get lucky but the odds are not in your favor. The subtle detours and ultimate road blocks thrown up to interfere with mature abiding love finding its way didn’t happen overnight. It’s been a slow descent to a miserable state of unresolvable conflict of the sexes, starting with competition for the fierce maintaining of ground that leads to alienation, enmity, resentment and haughtiness usurping any hope of meeting in the middle. 

It appears that modern love has become a war game that no one can win. Ask anyone who has tried an online dating service; the revised rules of engagement are brutal. It’s a tale of woe that promises to become even sadder as the family unit becomes a footnote in history and society finally at last forgets that love between two people is supposed to be a mutual agreement not a ceasefire.

Days after our lunch, while still basking in the glow of the joy that my friend is experiencing, I picked up my old guitar that my son and husband recently had repaired as a surprise for me. The Conrad is another very dear friend I haven’t visited with as much as I used to. I sat down and flipped through one of my many ragged song books. I stopped on a Paul McCartney tune, The Long and Winding Road. I strummed and picked, as best I could, with stiff, arthritic fingers. Oh, the sound! The mellow, unforgettable, ringing tones unique to the instrument and the words of the song swept me back forty years. I was twenty-seven again, sitting cross-legged (hypothetically speaking) in a long ago living room floor playing the melancholy tune about sidetracked love. 

And then the pain in my right shoulder pierced through and (whoosh!) I was back being sixty-seven again. Returning my old friend to its case, I thought about the lyrics and how young the songwriter was when he composed it. I’m sure he thought he knew what it was about but I doubt he could have possibly known the true depth of what he was writing because undoubtedly he had not yet lived long enough. I’ll bet he knows now.

It is a given that living changes everything and makes new things old, but sometimes, just when you think nothing can stop the ravages of time, out of the blue, God adds a twist to the story and makes old things new again. 


For Him,
Meema


“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in His hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; trust God: See all, nor be afraid!‘“   ~Robert Browning


Update: He proposed - she said yes. A new thing rises out of the old–like Spring!


10 comments:

  1. Dear Sister Meema,

    I'm so happy for your friend. Please tell her this stranger wishes her all the best.

    I'm such a soft touch for love stories, especially "old" love stories. Our local paper will occasionally print a story about long-lived marriages. I never fail to read these and very often marvel at the start of these marriages. Many of these marriages were begun during WW2 and some have started even before the war. Often it's the man who tells the reporter that he knew he was going to marry the young lady from the time they first met. Most of the time these folks started off with nearly nothing.

    My mother-in-law died about 18 months ago in her mid 80s. In a recent conversation with my father-in-law, I told him that I had been thinking about her lately. He said he talks to her every day and tells her what he's doing and what the "kids" are doing. They were married for over 50 years and he said she was his best friend. He is one of those stories where he knew he was going to marry her the first time he laid eyes on her. He had his work cut out, though. She had been married and escaped an abusive husband with two little girls. She was not interested in marrying "ever again"!

    Unbeknownst to me, a man I barely knew at work held a secret "crush" on me had to watch and mourn my leaving the state for another job. After a couple of years I returned to my home state and ended up working at the same company. He was still there. A long story short - we've been married for 19 years. :)

    Thanks for sharing your friend's story. I hope you'll post an update if they decide to make it permanent.

    Yours in Christ

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    1. HI Gwen!

      It has been a source of great and unexpected joy, for so many reasons.

      My in-laws were members in good standing in the Greatest Generation. No other generation in America’s history can claim it grew up in the Great Depression and just as they had reached adulthood had to put their lives on hold to fight a war. Some never to return. My mother-in-law lost her first husband to the war. When the war was over, my father-in-law left the Navy ready to get on with his. When he found her, he never thought there would ever be anyone else. He was right. They were married, better described as devoted to each other, for the rest of their lives. They raised a wonderful son to be as honorable as they were, who is the love of my life. :-)

      For Him,
      Meema

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  2. I saw your comment at Emily's and had to come and say Hi. We are exactly the same age, and it's so nice to meet another Grandma. There are several of us out here, but we are a bit outnumbered :) This is such a lovely story. I'm glad I stopped by.

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    1. Hi Linda,

      Isn’t it fun and heart warming to watch all the lovelies that gather at Emily’s blog bloom? Such energy! Such intelligence! Such devotion in large measure! :-)

      I’m still soaring over my friend’s story. So glad you stopped by!

      For Him,
      Meema

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  3. It was so nice to hear from you. Thank you for your kind words. I don't have a publisher and am a long way from getting my little cozy mystery published. It's in the hands of an editor right now. I'm on pins and needles wondering what she thinks. I've prayed about it for a very long time and have put it all in God's hands. We're just waiting to see what He will do (and I'm working hard to do my part too!). It's so nice to meet you.

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    1. Well, keep me posted. I have been a POD publisher since 2005. Sorta kinda semi beginning to commence to think about retiring. What that means is that I am gently persuading my last remaining authors to migrate their titles to CreateSpace and self publish. In the past two years I have mentored/formatted helped launch three titles, two for Michael Boldea and one for Robin Eubanks. If nothing else, I can certainly answer questions about the process.

      Let me know, you are truly a gifted writer. I think your blog posts would make a great inspirational book. :-) I added a link to your great blog!

      For Him,
      Meema

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  4. Meema,

    I clicked on this from Emily's site. I'm so glad to have stumbled upon this, and look forward to relaxing and reading your words. I am 34 years old, have been a widow, and have 3 other failed marriages now under my belt. I also just recently went through a break up, that has devastated me, as we were supposed to get married and a week prior, he informed me he wasn't ready. I know some people would think...what? Married again? I still believe in love, I still believe in the sanctity of marriage, it will forever be one of my heart's desires and I have learned so much in my short years on this earth. I couldn't agree more with your words on old love, the problems that occur this day in age. Your story of your friend also gives me hope. I am still so deeply in love with him and I know he loves me too. But for now..we are apart. It brings me comfort to read your words on how God works and designs in our lives. And also encourages me more to share my stories as well. Thank you.

    Grace to you,
    Melanie

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    1. Hi Melanie,
      It is so sad to say that your story is not all that rare. I know quite a few young people who just can’t find the one, both men and women. Either they try and it ends in divorce or they just can’t take the hard step. I think it is a combination of factors. Some, in my opinion, can be directly attributed to young men being confused about their place, and/or not mature enough to handle the huge responsibility and young women wanting a knight in shining armor. For men who are not quite matured yet, that’s a tall order to live up to.

      Anyway, I don’t know the answers. I wish I did. I can say this - when you are grounded in Christ you want what He wants for your life, even if you don't yet know what that is. Don’t give up, take a deep breath, don’t anguish. I’ll add you to my growing prayer list that God’s Perfect Will will unfold for you. :-)

      For Him,
      Meema

      Refuse to fall down.

      If you cannot refuse to fall down, refuse to stay down.

      If you cannot refuse to stay down, 

      lift your heart toward heaven, and 

      like a hungry beggar, ask that it be  filled.

      You may be pushed down.

      You may be kept from rising.

      But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven---

      only you. 

      It is in the middle of misery that so much becomes clear. 

      The one who says nothing good came of this,

      is not yet listening.  ~ C.P. Estes

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  5. Dear Sister Meema,

    Thank you for the update. I'm happy for your friend, and I wish them both all the best. I will say I wasn't expecting to see an update so soon! :)

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  6. Well, I guess time is an issue when most of it is behind you. LOL!

    For Him,
    Meema

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